Sometimes, I look around me and asked myself why am I not achieving as much as others? But because the perception of I am so special, I will always find a good reason for delaying something that requires immediate attention. I always manage to find reason such as the sun is not orbiting our Earth yet or similar valid reason for delaying my action.
Because I think that I'm so special, I believe I have the right to delay my action, thinking that opportunity will wait for me. Why? Because I'm different from others, I'm special. Or perhaps I know that those excuses is the only place that I can turn to. The only shelter for my fear.
The truth is, I'm afraid of uncertainty, I'm afraid that I don't know how to start, I'm afraid to understand that I'm just a normal guy, that I'm not special, I'm afraid of many things. On top of it, I'm afraid to know that I'm afraid. That's why all these valid reasons never failed to come out to hide my fear.
For those successful persons that I've seen, they are not only smart, but also have the courage to make the first step. They have the courage to face the uncertainty and make a tough decision. Those are few things that I never have the courage to do.
I always said I don't care what others are thinking. The truth is, I did everything for show to others. Saying I don't care is just another way to hide my fear. I realized the older I grow, the less wiser I become. At least I know that I can't delay doing my homework when I was a kid. At least I know where and how to start something.
Now as a grown up, world seems to become wider, yet smaller. I keep telling myself the opportunity has not come to me. As a matter of fact, it has come many times. I failed to capitalize it. What I did was blaming my luck for not getting things done my way.
It's not the luck or the chance that I lack. Now I come to realize it's my part that refuse to act. Perhaps it's to take or make opportunity and turns it into something useful.
